On the outside our lives can seem like the greatest success stories.
We can appear to be the happiest people in the world and it can seem like success just landed in our lap – in a snap.
On the outside.
And we fall for it again and again when looking over to our neighbor’s gardens. Measuring ourselves in comparison, feeling rather good if we find that our garden is greener than theirs and feeling miserable if we don’t.
We feel miserable because we think it says something about us, if we don’t have what others have. And it hits us right in our most vulnerable place, that deep fear of not being good enough.
Still deep down we know that our value as human beings have nothing to do with what we do or have. We know this, but we still seem to bare this innate urge to compare ourselves to others.
So what is the solution then?
Do we need to become Buddha like beings in order to let of this comparison thing? Or is there another way..
For me I have found that my compulsory urge to compare myself to others has somewhat calmed down. At first it was the awareness around the fact that I did compare myself to others that helped me practicing letting go when the thought would hit my mind. But later I discovered that it was also something else that had contributed to the process. It was a shift in my awareness.
Taking a closer look, I see that it started all the way back in 2011. I had just finished two years of playing the role as Cecile Dahr Hove in the TV series “Hotel Cæsar” and I felt as if I was in a limbo. I realized that working as an actress was not all that I wanted to do in my life and my path seemed suddenly completely open.
Something had shifted within me during the TV show.
Cathrine Hove (Marianne Westby) , Tom Ivar Hove (Per Christian Ellefsen) & Cecilie Dahr Hove (Jannecke Øinæs)
Years earlier I had battled with very poor self-esteem.
I had believed that my value was linked up to my skills and my ability to perform well as an actress. But during these two years, I had discovered that it wasn’t the red carpet that gave me value as a human being. I was born valuable, and I promised myself never to forget that.
So when my contract at Hotel Cæsar ended, I didn’t go into despair, I started looking into my own being asking myself: What do YOU want to do in life Jannecke.
My first thought was: I want to create my own show and I want to sing songs that suit my voice. Showing this love towards myself set me on fire and I quickly began rehearsing songs written by Kurt Weill, which I had always wanted to sing, and I set a date in May inviting everyone I knew to come and see.
Petter Kragstad, Karoline Zurhaar Meibom Stenberg & Jannecke Øinæs
Was there fear present? Of course! I just realized that the JOY of choosing to do something meaningful for myself, was greater than the fear.
So in the Spring I was ready for show time and I knew that at least two people would show up, my mum and dad. 70 people came and it was packed.
This was I believe my first calling in my adult life.
My second calling came in 2012.
I had just finished one year of my studies to become a primary teacher. I thought it was the most sensible ting to do, as I didn’t quite know what to do in life. I thought I might as well get myself a secure platform to stand on. I was still looking over my shoulder seeing what great jobs my friends had, and I didn’t want to be “any less”. But my inner being didn’t really care about that. It told me to do something completely different.
I remember it as it was yesterday. I sat at a café with my dad, rambling on about my lack of inspiration for my studies and all of a sudden I heard myself say “what I really want to do dad, is to interview interesting people about the big questions of life”!
In that second I knew there was no going back.
The thought was so clear and my heart jumped so hard, that I couldn’t ignore it. The same day the name “Wisdom From North” fell down in my head and two weeks later my first interview was recorded borrowing my dad’s old camera.
Every year I would continue doing interviews, although I didn’t make much money from it. After all, my videos were on YouTube and people could choose whether they wanted to donate. I didn’t know how to resolve my financial situation, but I knew I was on the right way. I was following my heart, and I am a firm believer that when you do, you can’t go wrong. I also had faith in the universe that new ideas and dreams would appear, when the time was right.
My third calling
Fast forward six years and my third calling came. Just in time.
The idea came to be that I wanted to create a membership platform gathering all the best speakers I had come across in my interviews and also create a blog magazine where transformational teachers could express their knowledge and wisdom to empower others. I felt the need to do it, as regular fashion magazines didn’t inspire me at all. I wanted to help people believe in themselves with my content, feeling that they were not alone in having rough times and at the same time getting tools to thrive!
I wanted to create what I longed for myself.
Fast forward to 2018 and here we are. Today I launch my magazine and the 9th of November I will launch a membership site consisting of masterclasses and bonus material from the best transformational teachers I know of.
But none of this would have happened if I had received these callings back in 2011. I would never have been brave enough to dare to go for it. I needed six years to start thinking as a businesswoman, integrating this part of myself, which had been suppressed for so long stemming from an old belief system that I was only “a starving actress”. It took me six years of going within, developing confidence enough and letting go of limiting beliefs, to truly dream the big dreams!
Today I am not comparing myself to others like I used to. I see that my path is unique, as yours is unique to you. I see that comparing myself to others is distrusting my own process and my inner being’s greater plan.
Following your heart makes you let go of comparison
I have come to realize that following our hearts makes us more confident. It makes you focus more inwards instead of distracting yourself by comparing yourself to others. It makes you trust that your path is right for you and that other peoples paths is right for them. And one of the benefits is that you actually start cheering when others have success. It inspires you, because you see that great things are possible.
And what is success anyway? To me it is following my dreams; taking step by step towards them and giving myself the gift of listening to what my inner being is telling me.
Maybe your steps towards your dream will be fewer or more that mine. Either way I cheer for you because your path is precious and is only made by, and for YOU!
Jannecke Øinæs is the founder of Wisdom From North AS. She has interviewed around 400 transformational teachers all over the world and gained over 40 000 followers on YouTube. Today she runs the Wisdom From North Membership offering masterclasses with highly recognized and sought after speakers and thought leaders.